


go home, to the bed of golden flowers.

by ecomexi



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Gen, TW: graphic depiction of suicide attempt(s), TW: mildly graphic depiction of illness, does narrator chara hc need to be tagged anymore, exploring in-depth the perspective and motivations of chara, pregame ingame and postgame
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-19
Updated: 2018-11-19
Packaged: 2019-08-16 22:37:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,496
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16504103
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ecomexi/pseuds/ecomexi
Summary: In which Chara visits the mountain every day, until one day they fall down it. After that, they're reborn, killed, and reborn again.





	go home, to the bed of golden flowers.

Most every day, Chara had the thought that they would, perhaps, be better off dead.

This was most definitely not a wish sprouting from self-hatred, nor was it out of any kind of never-ending exhaustion. It was deeply rooted in a contempt for not themself, but for every mocking mouth that spoke to them; for every loud footstep that approached them. Chara wished that every one of them would drop dead and leave them alone.

Life, however, wasn't so easy. For every time their mother would tug on their hair and pull on their cheek condescendingly — and frankly, quite roughly, too — Chara would be squeezing their eyes shut, hoping for liberation. For every horrible name their father called them, for every time he'd shove them away towards the stairs; to Chara, it was another cross of the fingers that, someday, something would come to make it stop. When these things weren't happening, Chara observed the people around them. Cheating, lying. Being selfish, being manipulative, being cruel and unforgiving. Many others would have just taken it. Chara would challenge their parents to their faces, only getting rewarded with slaps to the face, bruises on the arms, hysterical screeching alike the cry of a harpy. They'd mutter insults under their breath, so that no one would hear except themself. Any normal person would have learned their lesson after thirteen and some years. Not Chara.

Humanity was generally disgusting, anyway. Its selfish, vain desires never had any concern with others. Humanity was full of these people. To the brim. And Chara put up with it, because there was nothing they could do about it. They were too powerless, too insignificant. There was nothing Chara could do to make them pay for their sins, or reflect upon their actions. And so, an "escape" was a concept always persistent in Chara's mind.

Legends say that those who climb Mt. Ebott never return.

This idea was also a constant plague. Often, sometimes for consecutive days which then turned to weeks, Chara would hike all the way to the base of the mountain. Their mind would buzz in excitement, in happiness; there was no one, no remnants of humanity around. Chara would grin, knowing the reason. Who would ever consider hiking to this mountain? No one. The legends — and they were nothing more than that, legends — painted it to be dangerous, and the settlers were more than content to stay cozied up in the village. Chara had the mountain — the mountain, and the golden yellow flowers and thick canopies surrounding it — all to themself.

But, no, Chara never climbed it. The idea was always present, hanging over their head, but something kept it away for a long time. Wasn't it enough to be content with the flowers littering the ground all the way back to the village, or the peace and tranquillity in the void of people? They should have been content with that, but...

It was just that. A void. An emptiness. A  _lack_ of something. It was extraordinary how quickly humans, even Chara, became dissatisfied with something. Laying in a bed of golden flowers, they'd absently pick at those laying beside them. And the thoughts would come.

"There's nothing for me to live for."

Life was suffering. The mountain's base provided nothing but a break from it; it was not a solution, but a distraction. Chara's fingertips would clutch the greenery beneath them, but they'd never cry. Pointless. Instead, anger boiled in their chest, blisteringly hot. The world was so disgusting, so cruel, so unfair. Not only for them, but for others in the same situation. What happened to those who deserved justice? Who had done nothing to deserve their eternal punishment but received it anyway, in unrelenting amounts?

Every day there was that ongoing battle. Chara never knew what held them back. Hope, perhaps? A hope, a dream that some day the pain may stop, that some day the dull moments would become shining? Was Chara so pathetic, back then, that they clung desperately to platitudes like that? If nothing at all had changed for so long, why would it have changed in the future? There was nothing special about them, nor their circumstances.

So one day, Chara decided to climb. It was after they'd finally let tears — purely of frustration, mind you — fall from their eyes. Shouts of tension-filled argument echoed from behind them, and then faded more and more as the forest surrounding the mountain's base got thicker and thicker. Away, away, away. Escape. No more of this world. Enough of this cruelty. Escape, escape, I just want to get away from it all...

And as they ran frantically into this forest, they tripped. They laid there for a moment, trying to stop from bursting out into sobs. Slowly, locked arms shaking unsurely, Chara lifted themselves from the ground. Bright red blood ran from their nose, putridly metallic in scent and eventually in taste. Chara scoffed, spit, and continued their fleeing at a slower pace.

They paused at the flower bed they'd always lie atop. It was indented with the size of their body, but the flowers were still brilliant. At this point in time, they realized that the feeling they'd been consumed with before was almost animalistic, instinctual —  _escape, and you'll be safe. Flee to your found home in the flowers._  But now, Chara looked upon the bed of flowers thoughtfully, feeling their brain work slowly, and thoroughly. Blood dripped from their lip. The drop fell to a pristine yellow petal, staining it. Suddenly, Chara blinked, swallowed, and looked frenetically around —

 _There_.

To find the path up the mountain.

The journey up was a blur. Chara remembered fear, doubt, and flowers littering the path. Nothing much else. But the end of their hike they could forever recall in perfect clarity. Some hours after beginning, Chara spotted a dark, gaping hole in front of them. They gazed down it, seeing no end (or perhaps that was merely only they way they perceived it). For a long time, nothing happened. There was silence in the mountain. Chara stood still, at the edge of it all; this was the ideal place they'd imagined. Chara didn't know why this mountain was so heavily warned about, or why supposedly no one ever returned from it, but somehow, they knew that this was the place they wanted to die at. And so there was tranquility and peace, even if Chara's mind was anything but peaceful or quiet.

The descent was too fast to think anything comprehensive. There wasn't a great fear, but there wasn't exactly happiness or relief either. But there was certainly a feeling present in gratuitous amounts once Chara hit the ground — pain. Excruciating, indescribable pain. It was all Chara could think about for a long, long few moments. There was pitch darkness in their squeezed-shut eyes. Their body felt like it was being stabbed from a thousand angles all at once, and they felt like screaming and screaming until their voice died out. They knew their face was covered in tears now, from frustration.

 _Please._  Chara begged in their mind to whoever was listening. It didn't matter if it was unsightly.  _Please, just let me die. I don't want this anymore. Please, why won't you let me escape...?_

Chara took deep, shuddering breaths, whimpering and trying to keep themself from losing composure. It didn't hurt very much to breathe, so Chara quickly determined that luckily, no ribs were broken. The pain, they noticed, was mostly coming from one of their legs. In some ways this was relieving, but the most terrifying thought was that they would not be able to move from this place. Finally, they opened their eyes into tiny slits, as if anything they saw would be too bright to gaze upon.

But it was dark. Damp, mildewy. The stone beneath them was hard and cold. There was a turn at the end of the short corridor where they landed. Meekly, they thought that perhaps they were all alone. As if in retort to this thought, they called out as loudly as they could: "Help...! Someone, please help me...!"

Chara shivered, as if they were a reminding themself that no one would come for their rescue. They wrapped their arms together, and pulled them close to their body. It was so, so cold. They yelled again — "Please...! Help! Someone help me... Please...!" There was a break in Chara's voice. "Please..."

They shuddered again. Alone. Void. Pain. Cold.

Suddenly, hope.

"Ah, it sounds like it came from over here..."

A soft, unfamiliar voice bounced off the walls towards Chara. It was sweet; not sugary, but just gentle enough to warrant a lowering of guard. A beautiful melody to their ears, at least in this situation. There was a long, long pause that seemed to reach into eternity. Chara held their breath, hoping. After under a minute, they heard footsteps, and a small child rounded the corner. He was a goat-like monster, and he looked just a gentle as he sounded. He wore a green striped sweater, just like them. Chara didn't say anything, but their wide eyes followed him as he approached them.

"Oh gosh, you've fallen down, haven't you?" He looked up from the place where Chara came from. "Are you okay? Here, get up..."

Chara hesitated, but still reached out to the monster, who provided his hand in support. When Chara was up, they immediately winced upon putting pressure on their leg — they even almost fell down again. But their rescuer did not give up so easily. He wrapped his hand around their shoulder, letting Chara sink almost their entire weight into him. Finally relieved, the two of them tried to take a step forward, this time successful.

"... I'm Chara," they offered in gratitude as the pair began to make their way out of the room.

"Chara, huh? That's a nice name," he replied. He beamed, like he truly meant his words. "My name is Asriel. We can go to Mom and Dad so they can heal your leg..."

"Who are they?"

"The king and queen of monsters ."

"Are you sure it's okay...? I'm... not like you."

Asriel shot a glance in their direction. "Huh?"

"I'm a human?"

"Ah, I didn't know."

"What?"

"I-It's not like I've ever seen one before..."

Chara laughed at him. It felt strange to laugh after so long. In fact, Chara couldn't recall ever laughing in their entire life. How did they know how to do it? Was it just a natural function built into every human body?  
"Well, then I'm sure you don't wanna help me anymore, right?"

Asriel blanched. "Of course not! It doesn't matter if you're human or not, you're lost and hurt! There's no way I could just ignore that!"

Chara stayed silent, taken aback. These were the monsters from the legends. Chara always thought it was meaningless spiritual crap that the elders made up to make their lives feel more fulfilled, but if those legends were true, then... Of course humanity would be the enemy of the monsters. They were cruel and oppressive, shutting the "inferior" race completely out of sight. So why didn't Asriel hate them? Did he even know...

"You know the legend, right? How humans trapped the monsters underground?" they asked solemnly, keeping their face to the ground.

"Y... Yeah. But just because those humans were bad, doesn't mean that all of them are bad! You should always treat everyone with kindness, Chara!"

"Kindness, huh..." they flatly muttered in response.

And from that day forward, Chara was reborn. Asriel took them to Toriel and Asgore, the rulers of the Underground. Their leg healed, over time, with the help of their newfound caretakers. After it healed, they quickly ruled that they would keep Chara with them; they began to care for them like their very own. Getting fed chocolate and pie and real meals. Playing with their brother like a real child. Chara was finally part of a real family, finally free of cruelty and selfishness and humanity, finally able to smile and laugh and  _live_. It was almost as if their past self had really died from that fall, and was reborn into an entirely new world.

And Asriel. He was extremely naive, too kind for his own good, and was taken advantage of easily. But without him, Chara wouldn't have been alive to experience that special shift in their life. They never would have been able to contently think "Ah, I'm happy to be alive." Even when Chara told Asriel the reason they climbed the mountain, Asriel offered his comfort — even when he didn't understand. At times, Chara wanted to punch or yell at him for being so kind, since it would inevitably get him hurt one day, but they never could bring themselves to do so much as scold him about it. Being too kind wasn't the worst flaw you could have.

Asriel knew that Chara knew this, too. In fact, over a long span of time, Chara came to know Asriel better than Asriel knew himself. Together they often shared long talks under the twinkling crystals about their dreams, aspirations, fears, insecurities. Be they whispers so timid and afraid that they could barely hear the words themselves, or shouts so powerful and filled with emotion that the water sitting below their ankles rippled in surprise — no matter what form they took, Asriel and Chara always shared them together. Because of their brother, Chara spent their new life filled with happiness, fulfillment, and joy. The two of them would always be together for endless hours, comforted just by the other's presence if nothing else. Pulling pranks, sneaking desserts, playing pretend, making faces. Yes, Chara loved their brother more than anyone else. And Asriel loved them, too. And that was precisely why they trusted Asriel with their plan, a long time after they entered this "new life" of theirs.

The king — their father — was a very soft soul. He would always praise Chara, for they were the happy accident that gave monsters hope, and bravery. It seemed like, as Chara grew, the Underground grew with them. They became a symbol of hope. Of acceptance. Even the things that embarrassed Chara, like matter-of-factly stating how the entire Underground looked to them for inspiration. Some even called them the angel from the prophecy. It was a weight that, admittedly, crushed Chara immeasurably, but also one that they were glad to carry. If they were not the one who would free the monsters from their eternal prison, then... who would?

"Shut off the camera." Chara had a serious look in their eyes all throughout that day; their tone was always firm. Asriel, confused, obliged. His eyes were innocent and surprised. Curious. "Those flowers. I want to eat them," Chara stated, flat and matter-of-fact.

Asriel took a step back, shocked. "C-Chara. You don't have to do th—"

"It's not for me," they retorted, and it was true, to some extent. "We can free everyone. If I poison myself, then when I die, you can take my soul. We can go through the barrier. We can take six human souls, and free the monsters. Do you understand?"

Asriel didn't look any less shocked after their to-the-point explanation. "F...Free everyone...? That..." His gaze shifted downward. "Chara, how long have you been thinking about this plan...?"

"Will you help me?" Chara asked earnestly instead of answering him. Their eyes looked so sure of themselves that they were almost scary. Asriel certainly must have thought so.

"Nn... I don't like this plan, Chara..." He sniffled a little. "I don't.. I don't know. I couldn't lose you."

"It's for our freedom, Asriel." Chara insisted. "Don't you want to free everyone? ... Are you going to cry, instead?"

Their words were a bit harsh. Chara regrets them now, a small bit. And Asriel was crying despite his denial. They wondered if perhaps they'd pushed him too far. But even if that was so, Asriel shook his head, and grasped at his sweater nervously. "N-No, I'm not... Big kids don't cry..."

"Then do you think I'm wrong?"

"Of course n-not! I'd never doubt you...!"

Chara paused with a half-smile as if thinking about that claim for a moment. Then they allowed themself to smiled warmly. "I know you're really strong, Asriel. I know you can do it."

"Yeah... Y-Yeah, we can do it. We'll be strong." Asriel smiled back at them, albeit a bit of uncertainty still lingered in his tone. "We'll free everyone."

 

* * *

 

When Chara was sick, they didn't remember much past a constant feeling of suffering. They remembered their parents clasping their hands, and Asriel always at the foot of their bed, crying and crying. Asriel knew the reason, and yet he was the one who shed the most tears. Why? Asriel, why did he care so much? When they were still such a disgusting member of humanity? When Chara used him to further their own desires, just like any other disgusting human would? Why did Asriel treasure Chara so much?

The process was painful and dragged out. At first they remembered puking a lot, and a lot of the time it was hard for them to breathe. Sometimes they could barely even think straight, only able to focus on nothing and everything at the same time.

"Please..." they weakly managed. Their head pounded demandingly. Chara wondered what it wanted. Perhaps some honest words before death? Because Chara knew that the time was near. "I want..."

Their family leaned forward. But Chara's words twisted as they escaped their lips.

"I want... to see the golden flowers... from my village... More than anything..."

Their family made eye contact solemnly, shamefully. They knew that this was something they could not grant Chara. It was beyond their control. But there was no need for them to respond, anyway, because Chara was clearly not paying much attention — not that they even  _could_ , it was so hard and painful spending precious energy opening their eyes or ears.

In truth, Chara really loved them. But that was precisely why they decided on this method. Humanity could (dare they say, even  _should_ ) be sacrificed, and monsters — their family — needed to be freed. This was the only way that it could happen. Chara wanted to terminate humanity so, so badly — they had done nothing but hurt. Monsters had given them everything, but humanity had taken everything. This was Chara's only chance to bring justice.

_This is the only way._

That was their last foggy thought as they heard Asriel's sobs at the foot of the bed, and their parents' increasingly frantic voices at their side.

Dying... was strange. It was like falling asleep; no real tangible start, nor end. In one moment, your eyes were closed; in another, you had drifted off somewhere unfamiliar and terrifying. Chara had never imagined it to be like that. They'd always assumed that death was black and white — you were alive, and then you weren't.

It was then that they died. But death was brief, and something intangible persisted even after Chara could no longer feel their body. Chara could still hear Asriel's anguished cries. Their mother and father's uneasy, shaky reassurances. They still could see the way Asriel couldn't move for a few minutes, like a deer in headlights. The way his hands shook.

 _It's okay, Asriel. I can wait as long as you need me to. I'll still be here. I'm not going anywhere._ Chara said this aloud, but knew it would not reach their brother. Not yet.

Suddenly, there was a long moment of silence. Then Asriel went forth, wrapping his arms around Chara's body. And absorbed their soul. Asriel whimpered as he felt the power of the human soul course through him.

Then Chara smiled, and Asriel smiled, too.

_Chara. Let's go home._

_..._

The newly born being — powerful, foreboding — picked up Chara's lifeless body gently, delicately, afraid to harm it.

"Asriel!" Chara's mother helplessly called after it as it turned to leave. But it was not Asriel.

Then, the creature began to traverse the path through the capital. After the capital, the throne room, and after the throne room, the barrier. The entire kingdom had probably seen the creature by then, but it didn't care. Everyone could watch. It didn't matter. When it arrived at the barrier, surface's sunset was glowing through it. It filled the entire room with a warm, pink light, as if throwing its arms open in invitation.

Chara and Asriel crossed the barrier. They were enveloped in a strange, alienating cold.

_Where?_

_Here._

_Further?_

_Yes._

_Just six...?_

_Just six._

The creature traversed down the mountain, and then through the forest. Because the sun was setting, the pink turned to an orange glow on the creature's head, having peeked through the thick canopies overhead. Chara's body was still limp and beginning to grow scarily cold. The creature still held them gently, like a newborn. Finally, the village was in sight. The creature's blood grew ice cold with realization as they approached it.

A scream rang out. Then another.

"What the hell is that?"

"It's holding a child...!"

"What the fuck do you think you're doing with that kid, you...!"

Chara could still recognize some people from their village. They had true fear in their eyes, and Chara wondered if they could sense the soul of the child  _they_  had killed resonating in this horrible beast.

_They're all so stupid. Jumping to conclusions like that. Why do they now suddenly care about a child when before they were content to abuse it? It's nothing but an empty excuse for violence. A pathetic cry of desperation._

The creature froze.

"Chara..." it whispered, as if in response to one half of its thoughts.

The humans, afraid, began to attack the creature. They cast magic spells stronger than anything Asriel had experienced before. Their blades seemed sharper than anything the Underground had ever produced.

_What are you doing? Why won't you let us move?_

"N..." Asriel held onto Chara's body tightly and suffered through the blows. "No..."

_What did we do this for?_

"No, I can't... I... I..."

_Asriel. Fight back. They will kill you, Asriel. They'll kill us. They don't deserve to live, anyway._

Asriel clutched Chara's corpse even closer. He saw the flowers Chara spoke about, littered in patches all about the ground. Was it all even worth it? He turned from the villagers, who were still attacking, and began to walk back.

_We have the power to save our family, Asriel. Kill them. It's right within our grasp. Please._

"I'm sorry, Chara," Asriel cried. The sunset was turning purple, as he retreated slowly into the forest. Chara again felt that boiling rage, that malicious determination blistering hot in their chest. Their plan had failed. Their plan had failed, and now both of them were going to pay for it.

_You're a coward. Asriel, we're going to die._

Asriel shook his head in disagreement, although he felt shaky and beaten and bloody and certainly like he  _was_  going to die. "Sorry... Chara..." Up the mountain. Through the barrier, weakly. Into the garden. Onto his knees.

"Chara..."

The royal children's parents rushed toward Asriel. Weakly, he lost hold of Chara's body. They slid onto the floor, covered in flowers of various kinds. A large part of their body was obscured by a multitude of golden flowers. Asriel stared at the body's face feebly. Their eyes were peacefully closed, and the locket Asriel gave to them still clung flimsily to their neck.

Still gazing at them, Asriel whispered, "I'm sorry, Chara," a final time, and felt himself disappear into dust before his parents could embrace him.

 

* * *

 

 

And after this, Chara could not remember anything for a very long time. They rested in a purgatory of darkness, their soul still boiling hot with a determination to carry out their plan. Day after day — or were they years? Was it a warped kind of reality where time did not even exist? — they lay dormant, unaware of anything. No longer able to see. No longer able to listen. As if they had fallen into a deep, deep sleep.

How many events had passed since then? What had become of their family? Of their plan? Of humanity?

On another fateful day, however, light shined upon them, and time started flowing again. Chara was then reborn for a second time, still upon the same cold stone floor. There was a drowsiness. Chara looked around. It was the room where they had fallen all that time ago. It had changed. Even more greenery sprouted from the cracks in the ground, and the stone structures surrounding them were fractured beyond simple repair. And there was... a bed of golden flowers beneath them, now. But why...?

Ah, right. Chara had died. Perhaps this was their grave, their final resting place. It would be befitting of their parents to do something sentimental like that. Even more attention-grabbing than the yellow flowers, though, was a child laying down on them like a soft bed.

Chara could see a very round, soft face. Freckles dotted the child's nose, and a bandage adorned their cheek. Their eyes were wide, but also small, and fitting for what looked like someone a few years younger than them. There was something inexplicably passive and gentle about them, but Chara couldn't seem to grasp it properly. The child wore an oversized blue-pink striped sweater, too, that pointed to their childish nature.

They were also, very clearly, a human.

Chara's stomach churned as they watched the human stumble up from the flowerbed. Where are they going...? Chara intended to continue watching from a safe distance, but found their presence staying intimately close to the human. They choked back a surprised noise. Gasping, they covered their mouth with both their hands — what would a human do if they saw Chara?

But if the human heard them, they did not pay any mind. They walked down the corridor that Chara had dragged their feet down all that unnamed time ago. Chara stayed close to them — not exactly against their will or even on their own accord, but there was surely a sort of otherworldly tether to them. Somewhere in the middle, maybe.

This confusion was uncomfortable. Chara dearly desired to know what was going on, but all they could do was idly stand by and watch. They weren't even sure if they had a definitive form, not even an incorporeal one — it was as if they were dreaming;  barely connected to their body, but instead watching events unfold through a distorted camera lens. Chara wondered if the human sensed their presence.

Soon the two of them entered the next room together. There was a yellow flower perked up from a exposed patch of dirt in front of the Ruins entrance. It seemed to be... sentient. What a joke. Chara scoffed, relaxing for the first time since their awakening.

Chara saw their mother soon after. It felt like it had been several millennia since they had last seen her face. It was worn, not from age, but perhaps grief and tiredness. But it still was steadfast, and it still looked indestructible. They bit their lip uncertainly. Passively watching the woman gently coerce the human, Chara again wanted to speak, but did not, for some abstract fear prevented them. There... was no reason for their family to hate them, but there was still was a shadow of a doubt lurking over that affirmation. If their family knew, truly, their submission to sacrifice, would they stop being loved? Would their family give up on Chara entirely? Chara didn't even know how their parents had felt after the incident, or what they had done. Had Asriel, in that empty form of his, told them everything? Had they figured it out on their own?

Chara reached for their chest, going to clutch the place where their locket used to be instinctively. They didn't want to be hated by the sole people that made them feel loved. They said that, but even though they remembered the happiness that love brought them, they could hardly remember the feeling. It was strange. Was something wrong with them? Even seeing their own mother for the first time in forever, there was a decisive lack of... something, in Chara's chest. For even someone as reserved as Chara, there should have been a surge of emotion, an urge to reach their arms out to her in joy, a wish to climb into their mother's arms and never let go of them. But there was nothing, nothing at all.

Chara then looked to the human, who was smiling. Why hadn't Chara smiled? Did this human have something that Chara lacked?

Instead of following Chara's mother into the Ruins, the human turned around and walked back from where they came. Curious, Chara followed them — it wasn't as if they had a choice, since Chara was now convinced that they were connected. The human trudged along the path, and stopped at the golden flowers. Chara failed to say anything for a moment, but finally, they brought themselves to speak.

"Golden flowers." Chara swallowed. They turned to face the human with a clear apprehension, almost nervousness. "They must have broken your fall."

The human blinked thoughtfully, and nodded. Chara was filled with a feeling of satisfaction for successfully communicating with the human. The fear they'd felt before had now disappeared as if it'd never been there in the first place. What replaced it couldn't exactly be called warmth, but perhaps a quiet fondness nesting itself comfortably in their chest.

As their adventure went on, Chara found themselves finding enjoyment in this strange dynamic that had formed between them. They were somehow connected to the human — Chara could see what they saw, hear what they heard, feel what they were feeling. There was never any real conversation between them, and they never really got to know one another, either. In fact, they didn't even know the other's name. But Chara was content with not telling the human anything, and it seemed as if the human was content with not asking, either.

It was even exciting, at times, to share their words with someone after having been silenced for so much unnamed time. Divulging information, making observations, teasing and joking — all things that Chara missed dearly. And in some ways the human was everything that Chara had been: loving and forgiving to these monsters before them. But they were very different, too. They had something that Chara never had; not now, not before their death.

And in some ways, their connection seemed like but a passing interest in this small, vulnerable child in a battle against what must have seemed like the entire world to them. But at other times, it was completely clear in Chara's mind that the reason they were connected to this seemingly insignificant human was for things much greater than themselves. Perhaps they were the angel, the savior that Chara themself failed to be. Perhaps they were a very incarnation of  _everything_ Chara failed to be. A sibling, a child, a savior. Hope.

Most of what fascinated Chara, however, was not this, but the role of the human in relation to them. Why had Chara been rebirthed, anyway? It couldn't be merely for the guidance of the human through the Underground. In fact, it was entirely the opposite. The human was  _Chara's_ guide. Maybe, just maybe, accompanying them on their journey would lead Chara to their destiny. After all, they were linked for a reason, right?

As it would turn out, Chara was entirely correct in assuming this. But the entire trip through the Underground — through the cracked and worn Ruins, through the frosty but welcoming Snowdin, through the mystifying and nostalgic ponds of Waterfall, through the lively and energetic Hotland, and finally through that horrifyingly familiar and yet distant Capital — through all of it, Chara still carried uncertainty with them like a curse. It was terrifying to think it could be all for nothing, but still they persisted, because the two of them were connected.

In Waterfall, once, the human had stopped abruptly. They had ceased their relentless trek forward to observe the twinkling stones on the ceiling. Normally, Chara would become impatient and urge them forward, but the human harbored a certain unusual emotion that stopped Chara from prodding them.

"You feel an inexplicable sadness as you gaze upon the starry ceiling..."

"Somehow, it reminds you of home."

This was a sentimental place for Chara, too, and some part of them wished to reach out and sympathize with the human. But something inside them was still lacking, and they couldn't call upon those feelings no matter how hard they tried. But still, they stayed quiet, and waited patiently for the human to move on.

That moment was one of many that confused Chara. They themself could not call upon a sentiment such as that, so this bittersweetness they felt was not their own, but the human's, right? But that was strange, if humanity was as Chara perceived. This human — in every way Chara could observe, even inside the human's very mind, they showed no sign of hesitation when they fearlessly showed mercy to their enemies. Or those who were supposed to be enemies — they were  _attacking_ , weren't they? But this human never fought back. Not even after they died. No, even when they died, it was both of their determination, Chara's  _and_  the young human's, that brought the human back. But the human still persisted on their own.

Why mercy? Why wouldn't you fight back?

Chara spent the journey wondering this. All the way up until the human was beginning to stumble out of the haunting lab, until their phone buzzed and they pulled it up to their ear and listened, waiting for a voice.

It was an abrupt transition, going from the cold and unwelcoming lab to this sweet, familiar voice. Sickeningly familiar. Nauseatingly familiar.

"It is a voice... you have never heard before."

Too familiar. Much, much too familiar.

Unable to react or even comment much more, Chara silently went with the human as they trudged forward. Step... and step... and step. Methodical. Slow. Chara could feel the dread resting in the human's chest. Or maybe it was in their own? Chara could no longer tell, for they had shared the soul of another for too long to distinguish their own feelings anymore.

One, or maybe both, of their heartbeats went at a rapid pace. Chara's mind was buzzing too much to make any observation of it, however. There was a certain tell in silence, especially in Chara's silence. Chara was known, almost infamous for failing to emote when it was appropriate to. Sometimes, everything was easier when you lock all emotion away and throw away the key.

It was at times like these that Chara was grateful the human could not sense their presence; at least not unless Chara allowed it. It was a double-edged sword, this form of theirs. They wanted to be known badly, and they wanted to be able to do something, anything on their own. Touch. Feel. Be seen. But they were also grateful for this phantom of a form they had, whose identity had been all but forgotten — or better, never known at all.

But if the human  _could_  hear Chara's thoughts, they'd definitely be shocked by the floods of memories resurfacing.

Asriel. His voice was still as sweet and honey-like as always. To the human, though, it sounded hollow, as if they could not process it properly through their ears. It was as strange, Chara thought, as if they had dunked their head underwater so Asriel's voice was distorted and muffled. Chara almost desired to shake their shoulders and make them hear the real thing —  _Listen! It's him! It's_ him _!_

But they did not, because they could not. They could only imagine the event in their head as the human ascended in the elevator, which was perhaps even slower this time. Slow, slow, slow, slow, until... it stopped. And then it suddenly began dropping, dropping, dropping...

Chara felt a familiar nausea in their stomach, like something was restricting their throat and churning furiously in their stomach. Perhaps it was merely their imagination, but the sensation felt almost like the poison that had drained their body all those years ago. The human, too, felt a queasiness, but it was merely from the terror — the suddenness — of the fall. Again, Chara felt the strange urge to make the human feel what they were feeling, even if it was cruel, even if it was painful.

Somehow, the two of them were right back to the king's castle. It seemed even more pristine and unnerving than it had been back then; the path to home was even blocked off with thoroughly crowded, thick green vines in favor of the elevator directly up to the throne room. What was Asriel trying to achieve? Chara wondered, troubled. If it came between the human and their best friend, who would they save?

The both of them arrived at the throne room. Chara had been here before with the human, but now it seemed more eerie than before, but at the same time, somehow completely the same. And the events began to play out as they had before as they traversed through the hall to the barrier together; the room darkened, and deep blue light gleamed its dark color on the human's face.

Chara bit their lip. They had revisited this terrifying room before, but it still made Chara want to curl up and hug their knees until the memory went away. They remembered the sunset shining into this same room all those years — and it was still the same sky, above all the same people. That was what scared them, not to mention the very recollection of the sensation of being dead but alive; being their own person but also part of something greater. Housing a great power.

The human's expression grew distant, but they inhaled and assumed a brave stance — with their knees apart so they would not stumble, with their gaze pointed upwards, making confident eye contact with their opponent. Chara grew anxious again, and silent. Was Asriel planning something to stop all this? Or was yet the same conclusion going to be reached, so that their family would again be torn from their hands? Chara almost wanted to cover their eyes, but instead they watched. Silently.

As Chara's father drew his trident slowly and sorrowfully, something almost seemed to make time stop flowing. The human heard a familiar voice, which Chara also recognized. Their mother, here to the human's rescue. Chara smiled warmly, for a moment forgetting any sense of alarm. It was  _her_. Even if she was offering her kind of words to someone else, Chara could  _see_  her. She didn't look nearly as tired as she had when the human left the Ruins; in fact, their mother almost seemed to have a new fire burning in her eyes. She looked happy, fulfilled. Just as she had all that time ago, when it was Chara who ambled about by her side and held her hand and received her tender words.

And then the human's other friends joined, too — all of them, even those Chara had not known in their lifetime. But through companionship with the human's joyful, outgoing nature, they had come to like these people as if they were Chara's own friends. They had come to feel that dull fuzziness in their chest, and held it closely as if it were a precious treasure. These people, they were all here for the sake of the human — for the sake of their savior. And Chara saw that the human was happy, even overjoyed at the sight, and so Chara smiled for them.

And suddenly, time started flowing again. Chara's heart felt like it was being pierced — like bringing them back to the cold reality — as they watched their mother, their father, their friends all become restrained by that familiar thick green vine. An eerie laugh, reminiscent of someone Chara felt dazed to remember.

The whole world was spinning, or at least in Chara's mind it was. Those words — they weren't the words of just a stupid flower, but the very words that Chara's own brother were speaking. But they were so violent, so hopeless, so uncomfortably  _unlike_  Asriel, that Chara couldn't grasp it. How in the world did these ramblings, these threats, come from the brain of his meek crybaby brother? "Kill". That word Chara had once used so freely, but now felt ashamed to even mutter. Asriel was using it just as Chara once had. Again, they wanted to hop into action to talk some sense into him, but...

Asriel laughed and absorbed the monsters' souls. It wasn't in the mournful, complete way Chara remembered he had done before. In fact, if Chara blinked, the entire process probably would have passed without observation. He was still inhabiting that flower — so he merely reclined, and let his form crumble. Chara watched it with one hand muffling their mouth, and horror was a strong emotion in both their own and the human's minds.

Suddenly everything went dark. Not even a sliver of light was shining from through the barrier, nor from the corridor behind them. In fact, both Chara and the human had the distinct feeling that they were no longer even present in this world. And then, as the world stopped spinning and finally came to a stop, Chara received their next shock — rather than their heart being pierced, it was as if it had been shot point-blank. The green-yellow sweater that matched their own. The heart-shaped locket tied carefully around his neck. Those timid, gentle eyes. The very hands that had lifted them from the ground.

It was  _him_.

"Howdy! Chara, are you there...?"

At his words, Chara reached for the place where their locket would have been. They had seen that their parents had stored it away near their deathbed, but they missed it dearly, now, throughout their entire journey. Chara helplessly stared at the small monster boy, at a loss for words. Continuing his greeting (perhaps due to Chara's void of a response?), Asriel smiled.

"It's me, your best friend."

"Asriel Dreemurr..." whispered Chara, their hands clenched so tightly they could feel their fingernails leaving marks in their skin. "It's... the end."

A moment passed, and suddenly Chara's stomach was again churning at an all-too-familiar sight. Asriel had transformed into a being eerily similar to the creature they had become together on their deathbeds — even his copy of their lockets still adorned his neck. Chara's heart beat frantically. Asriel, what are you doing? What do you want with them?

The crusade of hopeless words and rainbow-colored lights and determined expressions went on. Shortly after it began, Chara recognized something about Asriel's battle patterns, and smiled bittersweetly. It was quite ironic, actually, that he'd be using all same the moves he'd dreamt up together with Chara. This alone was enough to convince Chara that he wasn't  _really_ able to see them — why would he give Chara such a clear advantage, after all? — but then... why was he calling their name like that? Why did it feel that every time he spoke, they felt his gaze not in the human, but completely inside themself?

Despite the perilous situation, they couldn't but laugh remembering the memories that came with Asriel's form. Well, it wasn't like they were actually a part of this fight. They could allow themself some fun. But nonetheless, this weakness of Asriel's could be exploited. The human would make sure to deal with Asriel, after all, in the best way possible. Chara whispered the attack names to the human, in case it would give them any sort of idea.

Chara's heart ached to see their brother this way. It sounded as if, when he was speaking to the human, he'd been alive when Chara was sleeping for however much time in the ground. What kind of pain had he gone through, with his soul shattered? With the determination to live, but not a soul to feel with? Now, Asriel spoke of boredom, which Chara did not much blame him for. But he also spoke of loneliness — and he spoke of Chara.

Stupid Asriel. It was never wise of him to cling so closely to Chara, to build himself so tightly around them. You  _never_ do that, because they moment you do, you're practically locking yourself in to be hurt. Asriel never learned that. Chara never understood why Asriel could never learn that. He had a loving family, didn't he? He had a wonderful live, as the only royal child in the Underground, didn't he? Why was Chara so important? Why was such a bitter, selfish person treasured so much by someone like that?

"I don't understand, Asriel..." they whispered, their voice a child's again. "Why?"

There was a flash, and the human was knocked to the ground as Chara stood tall, gazing vehemently at their brother like they were trying to get their words to reach him. The human looked around for their guide's advice, but before there could be any words uttered from their mouth, another bright energy overcame them. The human breathed heavily, trying to stand up but finding the resolve in their arms too weak.

The human was struck down a third time, and only then did Chara snap out of their dream-like sorrow and return to their side. They gasped and retreated to the human who lay there, unmoving. At times like these, Chara could  _feel_ the sensation of death all over again — they could remember their father's words, the very nature of slipping away from reality, all of it — and it was harrowing, to say the least. So at times like these, perhaps it was Chara's terror, Chara's vulnerability, that brought the human back. Or maybe it wasn't. But either way, it terrified Chara to think that if this human died, they may fall back into that deep sleep again. The human's mission would fail.

This time, though, Chara had no fear. They leaned close to the human's body, and held them tightly. "Let's keep going!" they yelled, even if the human could not hear them or even feel their touch. As the world paused and began again, Chara again saw Asriel as he'd been before. They shook their head, this time standing firmly by the human. This wasn't a retry, but a forced continuation.

The human's soul was unfaltering, too. Their face was scratched up and squinted in effort, but they still had that brave stance and still had those gentle eyes, even if they were filled with emotion. Most of all, Chara could sense the determination in the human they'd had in themself. They could see the angel, the savior in this person that Chara had always wanted to be. It was obvious now more than ever.

At the renewed attitude of the human, Asriel looked amused, and even laughed. "Enough messing around!" he announced, playful look painfully present in his eyes. "It's time to purge this timeline once and for all!"

Suddenly, the human's body was overcome with a restricting force. It was as if their entire body were being squeezed, forced into one spot, all forces of gravity conspiring to keep them still. Was this Asriel's full power? Chara looked up at their brother, defiant, and suddenly their eyes widened. The locket was gone, and Asriel's presence was now overwhelming. Still, Chara hated this tight space. The human's body — they couldn't stand being connected to it now. Everything was pushing, pushing, pushing, everything was so, so tight, everything was so, so dark. They couldn't move, they couldn't move, they couldn't move and they wanted to scream, it was just like that horrible coffin, just like how suffocated I felt under the weight of the dirt —

The human closed their eyes, trying to will a save. But they could not. They tried again, and still could not reach. It seemed as if accessing their save was truly impossible. Chara watched them struggle still, and inexplicable tears — of frustration? Or of emotion? — spilled from both of their eyes. In this vast, empty dreamscape, perhaps the human... could save something else.

As the human visited each of the lost souls — each of their friends — Chara was with them, watching them with fondness and a warm feeling burning pleasantly everywhere in their body.  _This_ — perhaps this was what they were missing. A bit of warmness, just a small amount of an understanding of the feelings of the people around them. What was that word Chara had learned, when they were but a child...? Ah, empathy. Even if these were not Chara's friends, or even Chara's memories, being surrounded by feelings such as these made it hard to feel nothing. Even as they watched their very own mother and father doting on another child, they could not bear to feel bitterness.

The human was filled with love. With the support of the people who loved them. It was really an amazing feat. Chara could never achieve that, not really. And it was painfully clear to Chara that they  _wanted_ that.

Suddenly, for the first time, the human stopped and looked at Chara. Not in their general direction. Not looking around, waiting for guidance. The human looked into their eyes, as if acknowledging them, or pleading with them. For a moment, Chara sat dumbfounded. It was a mere coincidence, of course; if the human had known about their presence before then, there was no logical reason they would have held back. But there must have been  _some_ sort of meaning to this, even if it only happened due to chance.

 _There's someone else,_ was what the human was thinking. This "someone", this final lost soul — they were calling out to the human, but most of all, they were calling out to Chara. It was the defenseless, feeble cry of a child. A child that Chara once knew well. No, a child that Chara still knew well. No sooner than after hearing his plea, Chara knew what they had to do. The human watched Asriel, as if they were waiting for something to happen.

"Asriel!" wailed Chara, voice cracking. They weren't used to shouting this loudly, even in a plane between life and death. The human called his name, too. "I know you are in there! Do you remember me?"

Asriel suddenly looked taken aback. "What are you...?"

Chara gazed into him, even if he wouldn't look back. They called out to him, even if he couldn't hear them. "Do you remember? Do you remember when you found me, curled up on the Ruins floor?"

Chara inhaled deeply, trying to keep themself composed even as tears stuck meekly to their cheeks before dripping down into the nothingness beneath them. "Do you remember when we took that picture with Mom and Dad? How I was so scared to be a part of a real family, that I covered my face with those flowers? Do you remember how you kept it framed in our room, and told me it looked good anyway?"

Asriel was quiet.

"What about all those times in Waterfall, wishing upon the ceiling? Or playing tag in Snowdin, or trying to grow flowers in Hotland? Drawing flowers with crayons on the walls at home, and Mom scolding us until Dad calmed her town? Asriel, do you remember any of that? Asriel, do —" they smiled pitifully — "do you remember your best friend?"

Although Asriel hadn't heard their sibling's voice, something was indeed beginning to resonate within the depths of the soul, and Chara could feel it. "What did you do?" he snapped, looking at the human. But the human did not know, as they could only feel the power of everyone's souls beating as one. "What is this... feeling...? No! I don't need  _anyone_!

The human fell once again, and Chara wanted to help them back up to their feet  — but their eyes were laser-focused on the lost soul that needed saving.

"Chara... do you know why I'm doing this? Why I keep fighting to keep you around?"

Chara wiped their tears. Asriel was beginning to look like that crybaby, all over again. Chara wanted more than anything to reach out to him, to let him know that they were there.

"I'm doing this... because you're special, Chara!" Ah, so Asriel was beginning to cry. Chara didn't like seeing their brother — their best friend — cry, but for some reason, now it brought a strained smile to their face. "You're the only one who understands me. You're... the only one who's any fun to play with anymore."

Finally, Chara couldn't help themself. "Asriel! I'm here! It's me, I —" Tears were flowing again — "I'm here! I'm here..."

"No, that not just it. I... I... I'm doing this because I care about you, Chara! I care about you more than anyone else!"

Chara couldn't do anything now except crumple to the ground, shoulders shaking. The human had been continuing to take beating after beating, but now, Asriel seemed to have given up. Chara couldn't bear to watch anymore. They just wanted to be with their brother. They just wanted to be heard. That was all they wanted, so why...  _why_... was the world so cruel...?

"... Chara...

I'm so alone, Chara...

I'm... so afraid, Chara...

... Chara... I... I..."

The world faded around Chara, bringing ease to their blurry, tear-stained eyes. For a moment, they stayed curled up there. Like the terrified child that they were. Until, Chara heard that voice, again...

"I'm sorry..."

Soft, and musical. The voice of a crybaby. A crybaby that Chara knew. Chara looked up from behind their knees to see the boy they'd grown up with again, crying and crying. Chara had always looked down on Asriel, since he was such a naive child, so seeing him all the way from the ground like this... was strange. They pushed themself up from the blackness of the ground, for they knew that they would soon need to move on.

The human and Asriel spoke, for Chara could still not be seen. And within their conversation, which Chara was trying pensively to observe, something caught their attention.

"Frisk." The human smiled. "My name is Frisk."

Chara finally broke into a smile, even through their blurry vision. Frisk. That was the human's name, then. It was almost relieving to finally learn it after so many trials and tribulations they'd gone through together. Like a medal of achievement, or a secret ending after completing a video game. After this moment, Chara wiped their face with the wrist of their hand. If they were Asriel right then, they'd be poking fun at themself  —  Who's the crybaby now?

Soon, Asriel said some words that poked needles into Chara's chest  — that he'd be leaving soon, that he can't just keep the entire Underground's essence in him forever. He was right, but... This was not a desirable end for either of them, was it? And it was painfully personal to both of them, as well. Chara was but a phantom in this world, stripped of the consequences that they so vehemently wanted to make clear; while Asriel no longer had that painfully emotional reaction to every word like he used to. Maybe Chara deserved it. But certainly not Asriel, whose meek naivety Chara had taken advantage of  — for their own selfish desire of martyrdom and revenge. It wasn't fair. None of it was.

And then the world was filled with rainbow colors, and Chara reached out for their brother one final time.

When the light returned, the world was as it should have been, and the barrier was gone. Frisk met their friends again; greeted them with a proud smile. There were tears, again, but this time they were happy tears, and they were coming from Frisk's eyes. Chara's heart, too, was overflowing. This happiness, this payoff  — it made them feel lighter. Like watching the resolution to a film, where the hero finally reunites with his companions. Watching Frisk all the way to the end gave them that sort of feeling. The feeling of being an outsider, but still involved, somehow.

After their joyful encounter, Frisk nodded and started heading backwards through the Underground. They greeted everyone as they made their way through  — giving kind smiles to everyone, bringing to them the good news. Chara followed them, curious to their destination. Frisk ventured even into the Ruins, deeper and deeper until they reached... Chara's old home. They inspected every nook and cranny as if they had never seen it before, which made Chara smile. They were in no rush, now, after all. They even stopped by the mirror yet again, to which Chara tiredly smiled and narrated  — "Still just you, Frisk". And Frisk grinned.

But Frisk continued on still even past there, piquing Chara's curiosity further. They supposed it was just a part of Frisk's nature to be thorough, to care too much about just about everything. So Chara was more than used it by then. So Chara followed Frisk into the musty room which held the bed of golden flowers  —  their grave. By its side was Asriel, looking wistfully down into the flowers. Did Frisk know this would happen? Either way, their best friend was there, and Frisk approached him gingerly.

But Asriel politely told Frisk to go away. Saying that if they cared too much about him, they would be hurt. Chara bit their lip. So Asriel had learned that lesson. Far too late, however. But Frisk was nothing if not persistent, so after a few moments, Asriel did began to speak. He spoke of the mountain.

"I know why Chara climbed the mountain," he said. "It wasn't for a very happy reason." At this, Chara winced, having remembered that day as clearly as if it had just happened. They remembered telling Asriel about it, too —  just the two of them, legs dangling over the watery cliffs of Waterfall, watching the stones twinkle on the ceiling. Admitting the act so quietly that not even the echo flower could have picked up on it. But Asriel did. But of course, this was now, and Asriel did not know they were there, so he went on. "Frisk, I'll be honest. Chara... hated humanity. Actually, Frisk... You really are different from Chara. I don't know why I ever acted like you two were the same person."

The longer Chara listened in, the more their heart ached. But they couldn't stop it.

"Maybe... the truth is... Chara... well, maybe they weren't the greatest person. While you, Frisk... You're like the sort of friend I wish I always had."

It hurt to hear. But it was painfully true. Asriel, naive Asriel, did not deserve his fate. And Chara had seriously taken advantage of that naivety, that kindness and love. They'd taken it for granted and twisted it so it would benefit them, but it had done nothing except condemn Chara and punish Asriel for something he was manipulated into doing. But at the same time, these words  — they put into great perspective how drastically the two of them had changed since they had last seen each other.

Asriel's naivety was completely gone, replaced with realistic views of his past actions and the future to come. He had matured, was no longer so idealistic. His long, long time being soulless, of thinking his betrayal of pacifism was a mistake; it had taken its toll on him. But Chara, on the other hand, was no longer the hateful, vengeful human Asriel remembered them as. But the sad truth was that Asriel's image of their best friend could never be repaired, no matter how much empathy Chara had learned, no matter how much Chara wanted him to know it, no matter how much Chara wanted to apologize. And so, just a little bit, when Chara looked down at Frisk, they felt that surge of jealousy, even though they hated it. Asriel liked them more. Chara knew that. Asriel's memory of Chara would forever be stained. Chara knew that, too.

 

* * *

 

 

The sunset after leaving the Underground was beautiful. Even more beautiful than that pink sunset they and Asriel had gazed upon so long ago. A hundred times more beautiful than any sky they'd observed while suffering through the earliest years of their life. This sunset was painted with all sorts of rainbow-colored hues; Chara knew through Frisk that it was the most perfect scenery to ever grace the earth.

When they crossed the barrier, Chara felt a little tug in their chest, and suddenly  — a release. No longer were they connected so closely to Frisk, for the pair's journey  — their goal  — was finally complete. Chara could go wherever they wanted to; back to stay with their brother, out to explore beyond their old village, even return to their eternal sleep. But... Watching Frisk's smile now, leading their friends into the village, there was no doubt in Chara's mind what they were going to do.

On their first night on the surface, Frisk pulled the comforter's blanket tight over their head. For now, they were staying in the village Chara was born in. It hadn't changed very much. But Frisk fell asleep soundly in their own bedroom, peacefully letting breaths go in and out of their body. And Chara watched fondly over them, like a protector. Like the guardian angel they'd wished to be for the entire Underground  — but that was simply not possible for someone like Chara, at least not yet. For now, they would keep watch over this singular small human, and maybe one day, they could once again be known by everyone. Another rebirth, perhaps.

In truth, Chara's feelings toward the human weren't completely warm and fuzzy. They  _had_ given Chara a lot —  too much to even name. But they had taken a lot from them, too. Their family. Their best friend. Their life. Their role. It was a conflicting feeling. But Chara supposed they deserved it all, anyway. These were their thoughts as they gazed upon the human's steady breathing. Constant. Human. Just like them.

...

Truthfully, I'm not entirely sure why I'm telling all of this to you.

You are asleep, are you not?

...

It's quite... empty, being all alone like this.

Perhaps.

One day, we can meet each other properly.

I certainly know a lot about you.

But... admittedly...

I have made... irreversible mistakes.

It would be greatly ill-advised of me to bring those to light yet again.

...

It will be a long time.

Perhaps it is better off never happening at all.

...

...

...

Everyone is content. This is our... "happy ending".

Yes.

That is what we had worked to achieve.

That is what I had always desired for you.

...

Goodnight.

**Author's Note:**

> WE ARE CHARA APOLOGISTS FIRST AND PEOPLE SECOND
> 
> finished my pacifist playthrough on the switch (finally) and got feelings thinkin about chara. again. they're such a poor kid... follow my tumblr, i post art and kick ass: mxi-88. i think... i may write a sequel to this one day. if i'm still feeling it. we will see


End file.
